Nice Try!

I've heard some clever reasoning as to why Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart have never been a real couple but this takes the cake!  Truly the most ridiculous piece of drivel I've even read and I knew I just had to share it.

I'm really at a loss...
This is from the fabulous (sarcasm) woman that loves mormon vampires. She was responding to another blogger that was explaining her belief that Rob and Kristen are still together and what's been going on in the media.

But where she goes in her ramblings left me quite speechless.  Really?!

So according to her, because Rob and Kristen had been open publicly in their prior relationships they can't possibly choose to be private now? Hmmmm.... Let's look at this a little more closely, shall we?!

Rob dated Nina...to be honest, I don't know a lot about this it was prior to Twilight and did anyone REALLY know who Robert Pattinson was back then. Oh, that's right he was the guy they killed off in the Harry Potter movie....

Kristen started dating Michael sometime after they filmed Speak she was what 15/16 years old?  By the time Twilight was filming, Kristen was an indie movie darling but really...did we really know who she was. (you can see my further knowledge of Kristen here.) Oh and Michael...Michael who? Yeah he's an actor and he's been working for about as long as Kristen (maybe longer) but do we really know him?  I don't see him in the gossip headlines every day.  Do you?

So, at that time they were dating their former flames they were both VERY young (even younger, shockingly than they are now) and they were relatively NO BODIES!!

Then...TWILIGHT....

and EVERYTHING changes!  

Practically over night they are now KRISTEN STEWART AND ROBERT PATTINSON and everyone wants a piece of them.

I'm sorry, but you'd have to be fucking blind to not see them fall in love over the course of filming and promoting Twilight.  It was there for the world to see, they could not hide it.  And yes, I know they are actors, but we've all seen Rob and Kristen at media events they can't act in those environments to save their lives, and it would make it so much easier on them if they could.

So with their new level of fame and their ever increasing feelings for each other and then finally the moment when they caved into those feelings (don't even pretend to know when this actually occurred) they together determined that they were not interested in being a Celebrity Couple.  

Over the years we have seen glimpses into this couple and their relationship, and we've watched the media hound them 24/7.  Do you really believe that if they came out and actually said in an interview "I am dating, Robert Pattinson." or "I am dating, Kristen Stewart" that they would stop and leave them alone?  Do you honestly believe that to be true? (if so, I've got a beach front property to sell you!) Because it would not stop, it would just continue with more invasive questions.

Why, when we are lucky enough to see them together in public are they not hanging all over each other?  Because they know the drill.  Those asshole pieces of shit photographers that don't deserve to breathe the same air as any of the rest of us, will get a HUGE payday for a photo of them like that. That's called the $$ shot.  They refuse to give these asshats a payday, because they are not interested in selling their relationship.

So, Here's a old posting of mine that will show a true PR couple.  Take notes luvsmormons...you just might learn something.

How to be a PR Couple

We hear constantly that Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are this big huge PR Machine.  For some reason, Kristen supposedly needs Rob in order to continue her career (she's currently #3 on forbes highest paid actresses for 2013 but who said ppl needed facts to tell the stories they want to tell?) and he’s agreed to this PR contract solely for the money. 

From my perspective I can’t figure out how he’s making any money in this contract.  I guess Kristen is paying him at this point; but Kristen, if things are this tough for you that you need a PR contract to continue your career than you need to stop paying Rob and make some money yourself. 

So, out of the goodness of my heart here is the plan of attack that I would put in place for you, if I was your pr consultant, in order to maximize both your returns.

Please feel free to contact me via my blog if you would like to get this plan into action.  (I’m certain after you read this that I will hear from you immediately).

1. Fire your current PR Machine…they don’t know what they're doing
2. Stop hanging out so much with your friends in public…this will not make you any money.
3. Ditch the hobo look and start dressing in “real” clothing. Kristen, you need to wear heels ALL the time or at the very least cute feminine flats.
4. Go on a real date for god’s sake.  Go to a trendy LA restaurant where all the other celebrities go to see and be seen.  If I was your rep.,  I’d make sure to tip off the paps so they could get some pics.  Make sure to have a table near a window and I wanna see some PDA!
5. Schedule a couples photo shoot with all the major entertainment, fashion, gossip magazines there are.  Give one or two of these magazines an interview with exclusive details regarding your relationship.
6. Make an appearance on MTV Cribs (does this show even exist anymore) and show off your house.  Make sure that they get a look at the shared office with all of your movie memorabilia.  & your bedroom.  I wanna see Kristen in the kitchen cooking lunch or dinner for Rob.
7. Take the dogs on a walk at a neighborhood dog park together (making sure to tip off your closest “pap” friend.)  …hold hands and I wanna see a cute little kiss in those pics.
8. Your first couples interview should be with Joshy Josh Josh Horowitz!  You owe him! (and get real MTV owes you also! Make 'em pay...literally!)
9. Schedule couples interviews on all the late night tv shows. 
10. Go on all daytime shows as a couple especially ellen!
11. Have a baby together as soon as possible the baby will be your ticket to the big bucks…go out together as often as possible so that you can be in all the headlines while Kristen is on baby-bump-watch.
12. Once the baby’s born go back to number 4 and repeat. Just add in all the details about the baby.

This is how to be a real PR couple.  This is how to bring in the big bucks.  Please feel free to take my advice.  However, if you would like to hire me as your pr consultant, I am available or even if you just take my ideas, royalties would be appreciated.

I know, I know but this is just about PR and money, why do you need to do all this, because this is where the money is!  What's the difference isn't anything worth doing as long as you make a buck?

Good luck to you both on your PR journey, again feel free to contact me if you have any questions or concerns.

Shocking update to this posting....I've not heard from Kristen Stewart or Robert Pattinson.  And to date they have taken none of my PR advice.