Many of you know that I joined this crazy fandom late. I didn’t really get hooked in until Breaking Dawn Part 1 hit the theaters. I know why I got hooked at that time; it was a rough time in my life. My mother had just passed away that January before the movie came out and that Thanksgiving was going to be the first big holiday without my mother.
I went to the theater and sat there and I was drawn
into that story in a way that I have not been drawn in for a long
time. It was just what I needed and I went to the theater a lot over
the next few months.
It’s funny; you would think that the first several
months after my mother’s passing would have been the hardest, but for me
it wasn’t. I think partly because there was so much to do. I had to
clean out my mother’s house, fix it up and get it sold. I was back in
forth between NC and KS for months getting everything taken care of.
So it wasn’t until after mom’s house sold that
things started to sink in and even then I was busy so it hadn’t hit
me. But the closer Thanksgiving came the harder things got.
Well, Breaking Dawn was my salvation. This led me
to other outlets…because seriously no one can afford to go to the
theater that much and I probably spent way more than I should. I
remember talking to a fan after seeing the movie one day and we were
discussing Kristen. I was frankly a snob and I had bought into some of
the media coverage and was “I don’t think she’s that good of an
actress.”
But then I started thinking about it. Was she really not a
good actress? I had seen all the other twilight movies and I had
enjoyed them. If she was really not good would I have really wasted my
time? And frankly, I was captivated by BD1 so if she wasn’t good would I
really be that drawn to the story. I’ve been seeing movies for years I
know good movies from bad ones.
I started to do some research. This lead me to
IMDB….OMG…How have I lived without this? When I was younger I could
have told you that this actress was in this movie and that movie and who
they were in those movie’s with, but as I got older I stopped paying as
much attention and that’s a gift that needs constant nourishment and I
was not feeding it properly. So IMDB is now my movie brain.
I looked up Kristen Stewart on IMDB and saw all the
movie’s she’s been it. Well, shit she been in 31 movies so obviously
the girl’s got some chops and then I’m like “holy shit” she was the kid
in Panic Room. I remember seeing Panic Room and thinking “if this kid
sticks with acting she’s going to be huge” She was phenominal in Panic
Room.
I then went and checked out all her movies. I’ve
now seen all of them…except the one where she was just an extra and the
one where she was the ring toss girl. I skipped those.
I first downloaded Welcome to the Riley’s from
iTunes. OMG…such a good movie and such an un-Bella role, and sooo
good. From then on out I’ve been a huge Kristen fan that girl can act
and I’m sticking with her. I then went back and watched all the
Twilight movies and what I truly love about Kristen’s Bella is she
really is subtle in her acting; she uses her whole face and body. She
doesn’t give it away she makes you work for it with her. She draws you
into the character with her; you feel what she’s feeling. Remember the
scene in New Moon. After the Jasper incident when Edward doesn’t show
up to school. She’s concerned all day you can see it on her face and
feel it in the tenseness of her body. Then she pulls up in her truck at
the house see’s Edward in the yard and it’s as if she had been holding
her breath all day and she can finally pull in a breath. Her face
lightens and then she really sees Edward and the intensity is right back
again. This all happens within about a minute but the feeling is
palpable
You can’t just “listen” or halfway pay attention to
a movie with Kristen in it like you can with other actresses. You have
to be in it with her or you will miss everything.
So after BD1 came out on video and I’d watch all of
Kristen’s movies I was even more hooked. I started on YouTube and
watched all of her interviews. I discovered ComicCon, I discovered
Robsten. I didn’t need a blog or anyone to tell me that they were a
couple. I just needed them, they told me in all the small little things
that they do.
I finally discovered several blogs about Kristen
and Rob some of them separately some of them as the entity known as
“robsten” (I know they don’t love this but it is what it is so I’ve now
embraced it).
My heart sank in July along with all of yours, but
many of your blogs help get me through and I have my theories on all of
that but this is not the time or place for that.
Along with getting to know Kristen, I also took a
second and third look at Rob. I have to admit that when I first saw
Twilight, though loved the movie and thought Rob was great as Edward he
just didn’t do it for me. But the boy has grown into a man and yowza is
all I have to say. I also love the fact that he’s a big old dork (very
cute, very sexy but dork all the same). This also made me love Kristen
even more because I’m sure she gets even more of the dork then we
do. I love a woman that love’s a dork. I’ve also seen most of Rob’s
movies and he too is awesome. Can’t wait to see where his career takes
him.
I was online often checking out blogs. I had links
set up on my phone and my computer and I’d scroll through everyday
sometimes several times a day. I saw things I liked I saw ppl making
comments on pictures and asking about this and that and finally in
October I had to join in. I really thought…I’ll just get an account so
that I can have all my favorites on my dashboard it will just be more
convenient that way.
Well, it’s now been about 6 months approx… 9,400
posts, and a shared twilight fanfiction blog. It will never cease to
amaze me that most all of the blogs that I was following before are
following me now and many of you I’ve come to know somewhat outside of
tumblr and since I’ve joined in on all this insanity and I’ve never felt
more sane.
You all have helped me more than you will ever
know. I now have an outlet for my obsession and I’ve not only come out
of my shell since my mothers’ passing but I’ve made a bunch of great
friends in the process. I’ve also rediscovered my passion for
writing. Often in the form of snarky attacks on nonstens, but what
could be more fun than that.
So again THANK YOU…all of you, from my followers to
those I follow. Too my followers…I know I don’t follow all of you, but
know that your support means a lot to me and if you every just need a
friend I’m here just as you have been there for me even if you didn’t
know it.
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